Beast of War Analysis
Logline
Following the destruction of their naval ship, a group of soldiers are forced to fight for survival against a hungry shark.
Synopsis
A group of soldiers are put through their paces by a training instructor. He forces them to do a country run with limited time. Some struggle more than others, with one - Will - falling into a deep mud hole that he almost suffocates in. He’s saved by Leo.
The two become good friends, but Leo draws the ire of racist Des. The two clash during their training, resulting in a fight that Leo wins. Something that becomes a sore spot for Des.
Later, following their training the group of trainees are on a boat which is attacked by Japanese fighter pilots. In no time at all the boat is destroyed and everybody has to abandon ship. Leo rescues Will and the two work to build a raft from the debris all around them. Soon, more soldiers arrive, relieved that others survived.
It doesn’t take long for a shark to arrive, prowling the water for food. But it seems less interested in the bodies in the water than the men on the raft. With limited supplies and even less food the men steel themselves for a long time on the raft.
The shark gets one of them in a surprise attack and manages to injure another, stripping him of one leg. Desperate, the men hatch a plan. There’s a motorboat from their ship not far from them, they just need to reach it. Leo is the one to go, leaping between debris to reach the motorboat. He almost gets his head bitten off in the process. In the end it’s all for nought - the boat is dead.
By morning they lose another man, this one to an errant grenade.
The men are exhausted, the sun baking them. They’re dying of thirst. Des gives an insight into his upbringing to the other men before the conversation turns to survival and the prospect of drinking their own “dick spit”. Delirium soon hits, affecting Leo badly. He tries throwing himself into the water convinced the shark is after him only to be pulled out by the other soldiers.
In the morning comes hope as the sound of a plane engine draws their attention, but it’s a Japanese plane that opens fire on them. The remaining soldiers end up in the water, while Leo takes aim with their only gun and through sheer luck, brings the fighter down. But not before he takes a shot to the belly from its guns.
With Des and Will back on the raft and Leo still coherent it comes to light Des sacrificed one of their own while in the water to escape the shark, prompting a fight between Leo and Des.
Later, as the men lament their impending death, something appears in the water ahead of them. The Japanese pilot. He survived the crash and has floated toward them. The men debate using their last grenade but Will, the most physically able of them, opts against it, a decision he quickly regrets when the pilot attacks them as soon as he reaches the raft. A brutal fight unfolds, as the Japanese pilot faces off against Will and Leo, getting the better of both. It’s only through Des’ actions - setting off an explosion while he has hold of the pilot - that the man is beaten.
With the raft destroyed and Will and Leo in the water the two men make their way to the broken motorboat, drinking a bottle of Saki the pilot dropped. Will spots a toolbox in the water that he can use to fix the motorboat, but in taking his eyes off Leo, doesn’t immediately realise he’s gone into the water.
Leo faces off against the shark with just a grenade to defend himself. He jams the grenade into its mouth, his arm bitten in the process. The grenade detonates, taking out the shark and Leo is pulled to safety by Will.
Analysis
Creative
The premise is effective if a little stunted by the execution. It’s clearly inspired by Quint’s tale of what happened to him from JAWS but the low budget reduces the number of sharks to one and the number of soldiers to half a dozen. I feel like more could have been made of this, additional sharks and soldiers included, despite the low budget. Why no survivors in the water, why jump immediately to building the raft (which comes together miraculously fast)?
The opening 10 minutes and closing 15 are kind of disappointing. I mention elsewhere that the opening feels like it comes from a different movie (see structure) while the closing minutes also feel slightly alien due to the arrival of the Japanese pilot. It also features a slightly underwhelming ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ demise of the shark.
The plot and its development could - should - have kept the soldiers in the water for longer, with several being picked off before the raft was built. This would have maximised the tension the audience feels. The arrival of the Japanese pilot at the tail end of the film also stands as a poor development. It felt like a contrivance and I don’t feel like it was a necessary step in the story. Its only real purpose was to redeem Des by having him kill himself when taking out the pilot. Was it really necessary? I don’t think so. As a person Des didn’t really need to be redeemed. Sometimes scum survives. Oh, and special mention to the drinking of their own pee. Genuinely gross, particularly thanks to Des’ commentary.
I did like the fact that one of the soldiers (who made so little impression I can’t name him) threw himself on a grenade to save his fellow soldiers. That was a nice beat and one that added a touch of originality to an otherwise pretty predictable story.
The make up of the acts would have also benefited from more work. Right now the training makes up act one, the arrival of the Japanese pilot makes up act three and act two focuses on the raft and the shark attacks. The midpoint is made up of Leo’s crossing of the water to the motorboat. Act two doesn’t really evolve. The events before and after Leo’s efforts are effectively the same. That’s an issue. If the structure was altered to keep several soldiers in the water for the first half of the act with the midpoint being the construction of the raft it’d work better.
The characterisation is my single biggest concern. To a large degree there really isn’t any. At least for the most part. Will stands out because he’s given a name but his characterisation stands at him being something of a weakling and a soft touch. Des stands out as simply a bully with no redeeming features. Leo meanwhile actually gets a back story, albeit one very convenient for the plot. He’s tough, he’s smooth and clearly pegged as the hero. The rest of the cast (the half dozen or so that end up on the raft specifically) are cannon fodder, there to say a few lines and die. Des gets a hint of a back story when he talks about his father on the raft. That’s the sort of thing they all needed. Everyone who was going to be on the raft after the ship was sunk needed their moment to reveal who they are and what drives them. Otherwise, why care about them dying? I really feel the story - and specifically the characters - would have been better served with a different structure (see below).
Dialogue is what I’d describe as workman-like. There’s not a lot of effort to make each of the cast feel like they have their own voice with only Des’ racist remarks giving him a sense of personality. Everyone else - Leo included - just feels like an everyman.
Setpieces, including each death, are as effective as they could be given the low budget. In fact I’d argue they’re standouts. They do little that’s new - even the soldier throwing himself on the grenade is a trope of war movies - but they’re meatily executed.
There are two settings here, Australia and the Timor Sea. Neither really stands out as anything special. Even the naval ship is so lightly featured as to not register. World building takes a hit as a consequence. Whether laid out like it is (with the opening on the mainland) or laid out so the training is shown as flashbacks designed to get across a degree of camaraderie among the soldiers I’d have liked a bit more sense of place.
Technical
The structure is perhaps my biggest worry within this section. The opening 15-20 minutes feel like they’re from a different movie to the rest of the narrative. I get what you’re trying to do - introduce us to several characters, set up a few butted heads but the transition to the Timor Sea feels incredibly abrupt. One minute Leo and Will are with the nurses and the next they’re on the ship. It’s a blunt shift. It also (as touched on above) robs the cast of characters of the opportunity to make an impression. Far better may have been to start the story on the naval ship, with a little banter to start establishing who is who, omit Leo’s flashbacks to the shark attack he witnessed as they’re inessential and use flashbacks to the training on land as well as simply having them talk about themselves to further fill in each of the characters back stories once they’re on the raft. I’d also have broken act two down so half of the time is spent with them in the water and the midpoint is them finally finding something they can float on. The shark could take out several soldiers (known or unknown) before they left the water at the midpoint.
Pace suffers. Despite the short length the story tends to drag. Certainly there are enough set pieces and moments of action but the time in between is what drags. This is primarily due to the lack of characterisation. Not knowing the characters meant tension dissipated and the sense of dread faltered. As a consequence you become aware of the passage of time.
There’s clear genre knowledge at work here. Unfortunately there’s little to get excited about. The deaths of the soldiers, despite promising brutality, all follow typical shark movie attacks while even the soldier rolling on the grenade is lifted from countless war movies.
I’ve already talked about the opening 20 or so minutes feeling like they’re from a different movie so I won’t harp on again except to say the two parts don’t fit together well tonally. What I will talk about is the film once the cast are at sea, which sees the tone become very bleak. There’s very little hope of survival once they discover the motorboat engine is out of commission. Where was the sense of hope? The closest we got to any hope was Leo drinking his urine and announcing he’ll last a few days longer than the others because of it.
Craft
There’s some solid imagery here, with the shark attacks and deaths proving to be nice and meaty. I’ve already mentioned one of the soldiers rolling onto the grenade but it remains a strong image and perhaps one of the few moments that will stick with me (that and Leo nearly losing his head to the shark at the midpoint).
The project length is well judged. The writer clearly knows how to get in and get back out without getting in the way of his own story. That said, I wonder if the short length harms the story in some way? A few extra minutes would have allowed more room for the characters to show their personalities. An extra ten minutes would have been a solid option.
The market potential here should be solid but this is too low a budget to make much of an impression among the masses. Even horror fans are likely to be disappointed in the execution unless their expectations are suitably low. There’s just not enough tension or sense of dread here. Shark attack fans will be equally dismayed because there’s nothing new here.
Conclusion
What to Work On
This needed more development time with both the structure and the characters needing to be focused on. I’d recommend removing the opening set on the mainland and opening it on the ship. A few minutes of banter among the men will do wonders to flesh them out in short order. They don’t even have to leave the area they’re in.
Once the soldiers are in the water, keep them there. At least for a while. Panicked talking about not wanting to die and never seeing loved ones will flesh them out further while you can - if you want - use flashbacks to the mainland and the training to enhance the characters even more. Have the shark show up around the end of act one.
Start picking off various soldiers, some we know and some we don’t. Have the soldiers aware there are sharks in the water so they panic and stress about what to do. The idea of a raft can be floated by one or several of the men. Have them start trying to piece it together with the raft finally taking shape at the midpoint.
From there you can do much as you already have, with the shark pulling people from the raft and panic resulting in butted heads. Keep the siren getting stuck in the shark’s fin but make more use of it by having the shark hunt surviving soldiers who are still in the water. Even the motorboat section can remain intact.
With act three I’d remove the Japanese pilot’s arrival. The attack from the plane can still occur, with Leo getting hit but taking down the plane. It’d be a stretch but you could even have the pilot arrive on floating debris only to be grabbed by the shark just before he reaches Leo, Will and Des. I’d still have the fight between Leo and Des over Des sacrificing a fellow soldier to save his own neck, then have Des get taken out by the shark at the tail end of the fight. Make Leo feel his guilt over it with Will trying to talk him down. Finding the toolbox to fix the motorboat can still occur, as can Leo’s killing of the shark. If you want to really stick the knife in to viewers, have Will try and stop the fight between Des and Leo only to be the one that gets eaten.
Depending on what you decide to do either Will and Leo survive, or Leo and Des do.
Recommendation
The writer is one to watch but this needed further development to truly stand out. As it stands, it should have been passed on until it was redeveloped.
